MLBeat

(1) Injuries.

Cause guys don't lie on the field, motionless, for dozens of minutes at a time, while medical staff and players block camera shots. In baseball, major injuries occur only a few times a year (e.g. Garciaparra's muscle tear or Robin Ventura's broken leg). In the NFL, nary a game goes by without a player being carted off (e.g. Carson Palmer, Ben Roethlisberger). Major injuries slow down the NFL, and baseball is better off without them. Baseball remains entertaining without the need to have guys run into each other all the time.

(2) Celebrations.

Granted, baseball's hop is the silliest, most awkward game-ending celebration in all of sport, paling in comparison to the simple but elegant cold Gatorade bath. But, NFL players celebrating such trivial plays as sacks, tackles, pass break-ups, and first downs are unfortunately ubiquitous during the course of NFL games. And the little dances they do? There's the Sheriff, who twirls his six-shooters on his fingers before holstering them, and also the winged bird man who swoops across the field of play after tackling the kick returner. Please! How annoyingly incongruous to the underlying play. Does tackling the kick-off returner really merit a little dance at the 25 yard-line? Why not have pitchers just round the bases after a sacrifice bunt?

And those jumps into the stands. It used to be neat when only one team was doing it (the Packers I think?) But now it's gotten lame. In baseball, players don't charge into the stands hoping to be groped by fat, bearded strangers.

And, for the record, the uprights aren't made for dunking. Hey, NFL, how about this: Fuck the extra points and the two point conversions. Let's just give the scoring team two PATs if the guy who just scored can dunk it through the uprights. Extra-point kicks are so perfunctory anyways.

(3) Instant Replay.

I need only two words to make my point here: Instant Replay. What do I mean by that? Are you unconvinced? OK, wait ten minutes (while I duck under a dark sheet and make out with a tiny television) and I'll have an answer for you. What are you supposed to do in the meantime? I dunno, watch some commercials with Howie Long and John Madden in them. Or, re-read what I've just written—over and over and over and over and over.

(4) Flags.

Just another means by which the NFL game slows down. To think that I hear people complain that baseball is "too slow." At least in baseball we don't wait a minute while the officiating crew gathers to find out what the hell just happened on the last play. The only time we care about flags in baseball is when they're blowing out.

(5) FOX/CBS/DISNEY.

At least for baseball games, fans don't rely on the exclusive trio of FOX, CBS, and DISNEY to broadcast the games.

// posted by J Rand @ 6:23 AM