4.27.2005
Not a Game Report
Saturday's 6-2 victory by the Giants over the Brewers was a great example of why you should never go to a baseball game on a first date. That's not to say that a baseball game isn't a good place to take a female in general, or even on a subsequent date. But on a first date you run the risk of bringing along someone who doesn't really care about baseball as much as you do. This can present each of you in an unflattering light to the other.
Reason 1: If it's a good game - and this one was decent - then you can find yourself paying too much attention to the proceedings and not enough to her. The game's most interesting event, as you can tell from the recap, was Brett Tomko's two-run single, immediately after which he was picked off first base by Chris Capuano. I was watching intently, and when Capuano began his pickoff move just as Tomko started to lean the wrong way I knew, and I said out loud "Oh he's out," and that got the attention of some fans sitting near me who looked up from their mini pizzas just in time to see 1B umpire Mike Everitt calling Tomko out. The problem is, my date may have been in the middle of a sentence during this episode. I'm not sure.
Reason 2: Beer costs $7.50 at SBC Park, and it's neither a copious quantity nor the Good Stuff. (The Giants brain trust has elected to use the Coors on their guests whilst secretly hoarding the Good Stuff for themselves. A sneaky but effective trick for hosting parties or get-togethers of any kind.) I don't mean to oversimplify, but this further sharpens the contrast between having an enjoyable date and a financially responsible one.
Reason 3: If it's a bad game, you have to sit there and endure the groans and questions like "what's taking so long?" and "it's only the fourth inning?!", and there is nothing for you to do but sit there and silently nod your head as if in agreement, when in fact you're nodding your head to confirm to yourself your hatred of the human race.
Reason 4: An unresolved question because Brooks Kieschnick is no longer on Milwaukee's roster, but if he had been, and if he'd come in the game to pitch, would I have been able to resist the temptation to inform my date that Kieschnick is the only major leaguer who is equally capable at the bat and on the mound, and that the Brewers may well have brought him in with the pitcher's spot due up next inning because they intended to let him hit? I don't think so.
Reason 5: While there is no denying that the game could be thrilling, the beer could be cold and the date could be your future soulmate, it's simply not worth running the risk of attending a major league baseball game with someone whose favorite moments are not the big plays, but rather the 20-second blasts of techno music that invariably follow them.
Reason 1: If it's a good game - and this one was decent - then you can find yourself paying too much attention to the proceedings and not enough to her. The game's most interesting event, as you can tell from the recap, was Brett Tomko's two-run single, immediately after which he was picked off first base by Chris Capuano. I was watching intently, and when Capuano began his pickoff move just as Tomko started to lean the wrong way I knew, and I said out loud "Oh he's out," and that got the attention of some fans sitting near me who looked up from their mini pizzas just in time to see 1B umpire Mike Everitt calling Tomko out. The problem is, my date may have been in the middle of a sentence during this episode. I'm not sure.
Reason 2: Beer costs $7.50 at SBC Park, and it's neither a copious quantity nor the Good Stuff. (The Giants brain trust has elected to use the Coors on their guests whilst secretly hoarding the Good Stuff for themselves. A sneaky but effective trick for hosting parties or get-togethers of any kind.) I don't mean to oversimplify, but this further sharpens the contrast between having an enjoyable date and a financially responsible one.
Reason 3: If it's a bad game, you have to sit there and endure the groans and questions like "what's taking so long?" and "it's only the fourth inning?!", and there is nothing for you to do but sit there and silently nod your head as if in agreement, when in fact you're nodding your head to confirm to yourself your hatred of the human race.
Reason 4: An unresolved question because Brooks Kieschnick is no longer on Milwaukee's roster, but if he had been, and if he'd come in the game to pitch, would I have been able to resist the temptation to inform my date that Kieschnick is the only major leaguer who is equally capable at the bat and on the mound, and that the Brewers may well have brought him in with the pitcher's spot due up next inning because they intended to let him hit? I don't think so.
Reason 5: While there is no denying that the game could be thrilling, the beer could be cold and the date could be your future soulmate, it's simply not worth running the risk of attending a major league baseball game with someone whose favorite moments are not the big plays, but rather the 20-second blasts of techno music that invariably follow them.
